Rob Gronkowski’s off-seasons always play out like some rejected Hangover sequel script, brimming with Bud Light, babes, boats, bros, and other assorted buffoonery. From those formative videos of him dancing shirtless in a Vegas nightclub to this spring’s completely inevitable WrestleMania appearance, Gronk’s party epic has become a reality-blurring journey into the heart of modern American culture—a veritable Infinite Jest for the protein powder set. The latest chapter? A 3LAU (some EDM producer, idk) music video with WWE BFF Mojo Rawley in which Gronk gets slathered in soy sauce and Uni during a post-Ferrari-washing, pre-pillow-fight sushi sex party. [Inhaleeeeee]. Watch it below.
Once you’ve had time to drink in the predictable absurdity, you’ll find there are plenty of questions to be asked: Does Gronk really have a “Gronk” vanity plate? Does Gronk know sushi isn’t chicken? Is Mojo more than just a “friend”? More pressing, however, is how Rob Gronkowski gets away with this kind of obscene excess while rest of the NFL is crucified upon Roger Goodell’s self-righteous cross if they’re caught having a light beer on their back porch with the dog. Is it because he frames it as a joke? Is it because he’s so comically (as in a character from actual comics) dumb that we assume he was tricked into it with the promise of Skittles and a movie? Is it because he’s [gasp] white?
The answer probably says a lot about you, your cultural perspective, and our collective socio-political climate—but oh hey look, it’s Gronk having a good time! DJ, DROP THAT HOT TRACK!